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Don't allow fear or circumstances to distract you from your goals.

The Other Side of Valentine's Day

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I received a distress call the other evening from a dear friend. The gentlemen she had been dating for a couple of months and become quite fond of, text messaged her that he wanted to end the relationship. He said that she was ninety percent of what he was looking for, but the ten percent was a deal breaker, which was travel distance between their homes. His maximum allowance was twenty-five miles and their distance was thirty-six miles.

Honestly, I kept my comments short and brief, suggesting she should simply move on. I saw no point in wasting time and energy on someone who does not feel you worthy of ten extra miles past his cut-off distance and texting a breakup.  While I certainly understand her devastation in believing their relationship could be more long term, at some point, we have to move beyond drama, particularly when there is not a lot of time involved. I truly believed she did a lot of the right things to grow the relationship, just with the wrong person.

In actuality, while I was sorry about the situation, the point of this story is not my friend’s breakup. It was something she said during the course of the conversation that struck a chord with me. She expressed that she was now going to spend another Valentine’s Day alone. While I certainly understand her sentiments particularly in a situation where the break up is fresh, I encouraged her not to get hung up on one day. If you are not in a relationship, there is really no need to acknowledge or celebrate a day that has no benefit to your current situation. Also, recognizing more serious situations such as loss of a loved one, divorce and separations due to military service can cause intense feelings of depression, there are other ways that may be helpful to cope with the loneliness this day may bring about. Most important is to look for ways to spend the day that is not focused on what someone does for you, but what you do for yourself. Some suggestions include.

• Make someone else happy. Consider ways you can bring a smile to others including the elderly, children, domestic violence victims, sick and shut-in. Volunteering will also provide you with a sense of gratitude for what you do have in your life.
• Host a family and friends get together. You will be surprised at the people who would rather not go out to restaurants for dinner.  The theme does not have to be Valentine’s Day and ask everyone to bring a dish or beverage.
• Make plans to start or finish a project you have wanted to do for a long time.
• Do something you may not ordinarily do such as book a glamour photo session, get a complete make-over or take a fun art class to stimulate your creativity.
• Don’t look at old pictures, love movies and songs that bring memories to make you feel sad. Watch funny movies or read inspirational books.

It’s important to remember that you have to live beyond one day and should always focus on things and people that add value to your life. Above all, my most endearing suggestion is to spend time with God. With God’s presence we are never alone. Happy You Day!

Do You Need a Nudge?

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We all need a nudge to get us moving at some point. Whether a goal, vision, project or a simple everyday task, sometimes we sit back as if we were in a daze and allow time to pass without action. I admit there are days it’s a lot easier to do absolutely nothing rather than execute the tasks at hand. After all, it feels so much better to think about our assignments then actually put in the work involved to get them done.

When I am in that mode of thinking which encourages a lack of action, I can rely on God for a power dose of inspiration by listening to his inner voice. The insight obtained from listening and following those most valued instructions guide me back on track. With your mind focused on God’s guidance, you can make the absolute best decision about moving forward and then act on it. The messages can come through various sources providing inspiration. It may be a preached word, motivational tidbit, or a kind gesture from a total stranger. The realization that acting on the call to finish a task becomes a priority when you understand completion is a benefit to your success.

If this brief post provides you with the nudge you may need to proceed with your tasks, consider it inspired by God through my morning meditation.

 

 

 

If I Could Have, Would Have, Should Have

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There are many variations of this title. The late jazz and R&B singer Lou Rawls used lyrics in his popular song with the title, “If I Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda” The guest evangelist speaking at a church service titled her sermon, “When I Could, I Wouldn’t; now I Want to and I Can’t.” Anyway you say it; the intent is to suggest regrets.

If you are reading this article and have never spoken these words or something similar, you can stop reading now. You are perfect! For the rest of us, there have been times in life, perhaps even now, that you have considered, what if? What if I had continued in school, not had children, married the other person, stayed on my job, took the position in another town, did as the doctor told me………and the list goes on. You can place your own if(s) in the dots and if you are like me, could possible fill most of this page. We all have times when we reflect on the past and believe things would be different if we had taken another direction or made another choice whether personal, family, relationships, careers, or business.

You are absolutely correct; things would be different, but not necessarily for the better. We typically make decisions based on circumstances that dictate our choices. Sometimes we have full knowledge and other times we make decisions based on our emotions. Even decisions made with significant thought, research and educated calculations may not bring us the results we seek. Most significant is the experiences and lessons learned.  If we carefully review are past choices and move forward, we elevate our thought process to a “now focus.”

You may have regrets, but you do not have to remain in that cloud. I understand some choices have been extreme like drug and alcohol addictions, committing crimes, staying in abusive situations or being abusive. However, if you have humbled yourself and submitted to a better life, you have made an incredibly important choice. Regardless of your regret or situation, it is now time to take a living forward position and keep going in that direction no matter what. You Could, if only you Would!

For more on Sheila Agnew visit her on the web at http://www.sheilaagnew.com

The Shifting Seasons of Life

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This is the time of year that we see a shift in the weather. Depending on where you live, that could mean a cold, long and brutal winter with snow and ice, cooler with only an occasional dip in temperatures, or places many envy with warm climates and palm trees that appear mesmerizing as they flow in the wind.

Similar to the seasons of Mother Nature, we experience changes in our lives that collate with the drastic changes of the weather.  Some changes we welcome with open arms because they bring about joy and happiness. Other changes are difficult because they involve sadness, loss or unexpected shifts in our lives.

One can only imagine how joyful it would be if our seasons were always bountiful or we were always prepared for our life shifts.  The real truth is our lives never stay the same. Regardless of your age, financial position, occupation or social status, everything must change.

How do will deal with change? We prepare ourselves.  Like many cities and states who know they are about to experience a change in climates and conditions, they prepare for what is about to take place. There is a plan of action to deal with possibilities that may occur from adverse weather conditions.  Even with the best of disaster plans, people lose lives, homes, income and other meaningful possessions. Once the storm is over and the damage is assessed, cities, towns and communities began to pick up the pieces, rebuild and move on with their lives.

When we experience seasons of life, we can hold on to our faith and know that God does not change. Our faith is our security.  Even in our worst storms, God prevails over Mother Nature. When the winter storms become unbearable, know that the season will change, flowers will bloom and you will spring forward into your new season.

From the Wilderness to the Promise!

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If we envision the concept of being trapped in the wilderness, we may see images that are extremely barren, hot and dry. We become weary and delirious with unfavorable surroundings. There are a variety of circumstances preventing one from escaping, which include lack of communication, resources and no road map to lead us to what is promised, A Way Out!

In the movies, there always seem to be a rescue operation leading the person(s) to freedom from the wilderness. In our life situations, we have hope, desire, belief, prayer and our trust in God. These rescue resources are available to us twenty-four hours a day. This vision of hope and faith will lead us from the wilderness to the promise.

We all have wilderness experiences at some point in our lives. These detours can be self, friends, family, health, finances, careers and businesses or just “life” in general.  Depending on the circumstances, our wilderness experiences can be short term or sometimes even years before we move from situations that cause a crisis in our lives. The most important thing is the action we take that enables us to move through the maze successfully.

Moving to the promise requires that you

·         Recognize that you are in the wilderness.

·         Devise a plan of action (how you will get out).

·         Begin to move in the direction that will lead you to the promise of freedom from your situation. 

·         Enjoy your new freedom.

The reality is, you cannot move anywhere if you keep taking a standstill position.  Remember when you are in the maze of life; don’t keep the head (God) at the tail of the experience.

by Sheila L. Agnew McCoy

http://www.sheilaagnew.com

What to Do with 2013 Leftovers?

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Moving into the New Year is an exciting time for many. It represents a new beginning, time to set and accomplish new goals, and a time to start over. Some may want better financial and career opportunities and others are on a mission to start or enhance businesses.   We become more motivated to improve our health and incorporating fitness routines into our lifestyles is a major focus.

Considering some of the same goals myself, I pondered how I would move into the New Year with some of my 2013 goals still lingering. What was good? What was bad? What do I need to take into 2014 and what do I need to leave behind. Realistically, how can we truly transition into the future with unwanted leftovers attached to our past?  Similar to food stored in the refrigerator, some leftovers taste better when the seasoning has settled, which enhances the flavor. Old, stale and molded leftovers that have remained in the refrigerator far too long need to be removed and dumped in the garbage.  The key is doing what should to be done to move forward.

While there may not be a magical prescription that works for everyone, we must be willing and open to take steps to eliminate the things we no longer want to remain in our lives. Personally, I have found success in creating a Do and Don’t list entitled, Self-Preservation (or you can replace with your own title). It begins with taking a blank canvas, which can be a piece of paper or your preferred technical device, creating two columns and incorporating your title at the top of each column.  In the Do column, write down all the things you want to accomplish in 2014, which can include good things from 2013 that remain a work-in-progress. On the Don’t column, place all the things you do not want to take into 2014, to include hardships, depression, debt, poor health, relationships, or anything that is holding you back. Once you have completed the lists, eliminate the Don’t by focusing only what you have placed on the Do list for the next twelve months. Let’s call this the, Do You Resolution.

For this process to be successful, you have to be realistic about what you really need and don’t need. After all, we are striving to accomplish goals that assist us in moving to a better place in our lives in both the natural and spiritual. Remember, when leftovers are good and tasty, eat them. When leftovers are old and stale, throw them away.  Happy New Year, Happy New You!

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I'm So Excited!

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Coming Out the Closet!

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I was inspired listening to Judy Goss, founder and CEO of Over 40 Females on a recent TeleSeminar where she chronicled her journey of going from "Foreclosure to Finding Success." Judy literally went from having a budding career as an editor and national TV correspondent for a major magazine to the brink of losing her home after she was laid off and her husband's business went bankrupt.  

Judy referred to this discussion as "Coming out of the Closet." Giving thought to her conversation, I considered how many of us (okay, most) need to come out the closet on things we have been holding onto for days, months and even years. These situations, whether big or small are blocking us from moving forward and elevating our positions. Often our closet situations can be painful and we believe we can cover the pain with a bandage. This is only a temporary relief. When you remove the bandage, the scar remains. In Judy's case, she had one short-term disaster public relations job and a unfulfilling part-time position before she pulled the bandages off and founded Over 40 Females (over40females.com).

We have all gone through painful situations whether financial, loss of a loved one, relationships, careers, business or health. I remember a few years ago walking in downtown Chicago with my cell phone glued to my ear, trying unsuccessfully to get the cell phone provider to restore service when I could not pay the bill on time. The tears that had rolled down my cheeks froze and I felt as if I was the only person walking down the street. I had lost a two-year contract that was my bread and butter after the new president of the organization became increasingly insecure with my presence. With no significant clients to replace the income loss, I had to humble myself (or get over myself)and take a few temporary jobs. One day while on an assignment, a co-worker questioned why I was there. She said, "You remind me of someone that should own the company." Honestly, that was the last day I took an assignment. Someone else saw more in me than I was seeing in myself.

Through faith and prayers, I was able to get over the pain of losing this important contract. I returned to school and obtained my MBA degree, received a more fruitful and rewarding contract, got married to a really great man, and recently released my second book, Dear_____Are You Missing Your Calling?

From this experience, I learned in spite of popular belief, you can go without your cell phone for two weeks, removing the bandages helps the scar to heal faster and we should celebrate our "Coming out of the Closet" experiences. 

Freedom is Good!

Sheila is Chapter Director for Over 40 Females Atlanta, Author, Peer Coach and Entrepreneur http://www.sheilaagnew.com
 

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Reconnect with Your Joy!

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     In a recent conversation with my daughter, we reminisced about times past, which included family gatherings, career and business successes, and life experiences on our individual journeys.  We identified this conversation as reconnecting with our joy, the times we used to laugh, be carefree, had more financial freedom, better relationships and appeared to enjoy life more.

     Life certainly does have different stages. Some of us lose that zest for life when things that used to bring us joy are no longer visible. Often those joyful times are diminished by our constant struggles of everyday living.  During our conversation, my daughter and I made a vow that we were not going to allow life’s situations to strip us of joyful experiences.  We committed to a rejuvenation period.

     When you reconnect with your past joyful experiences, you are allowing yourself an opportunity to experience more pleasant memories that are significant to your rejuvenation process.  In this process, you experience a transformation. While reconnecting is experiencing moments of joy, transformation is making the appropriate changes to put joy, happiness and positive energy back into your life.

     Some things from the “good old days” will be hard to relive or revive, but there is always hope through reinventing your life to move to a better place spiritually, mentally and physically.  With a transforming spirit, you make a commitment to make changes that include a step-by-step process of connecting you to positive energy.  The real key is to find balance, passion, purpose, and make things happen for you, instead of allowing things that happen to you take away joyful moments.