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What About Camille

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While many have expressed both concerns and disgust about Bill Cosby in the wake of the recent allegations of his drugging and sexually abusing young women years ago, my heart goes out to Camille Cosby, his wife of 50 years.

I can only imagine what her life may be like during these very dark days. At a time when her season should be blooming with flowers, she has to endure the harsh realities of being the wife of a celebrity at its worse.  Not only is she publicly dealing with the effects of a spouse that has been unfaithful, she has to somehow keep her family together and wear a smile even when her heart is aching.

Camille Cosby has issued a statement in support of her husband speaking to his love, kindness, gentleness and that he is a good husband. She further stated, “He is the man you thought you knew.” I am not one to challenge a wife’s relationship with her husband and I take her statement to be based on her relationship and not public opinion.

I have admired Camille from a distance for so many years. She always appears so graceful and never allowed the Hollywood lifestyle to dictate who she was, even in her youthful years when Bill was in his prime. I am sure it must have been difficult at times. She chose to discontinue coloring her hair and showcased the premature grey many years ago when it was not popular for a young Hollywood couple. Instead of being caught up in the glamour, she devoted her efforts to raising her family and giving millions to education and philanthropy as a way of sharing her blessings. As a result, the Cosby gifts have benefited many.

Mrs. Cosby’s humanitarian acts along should give her peace, but how can she be at peace when allegations against her husband threatens to destroy a lifetime of work. It’s despairing to think her good deeds may be tarnished by actions not of her own doing.

I am disturbed about the numerous allegations against Bill Cosby. I absolutely believe there was infidelity in their marriage. Something Camille appears to have forgiven years ago. My prayers are the truth is revealed by the accused and the accusers, because the truth will set them all free.

I can’t suggest to Mrs. Cosby how to feel or what to say about her husband. After all, she has been with him for 50 years and the accusers allegedly only a brief time. I can agree with the statement Bill Cosby said to a reporter about Camille, “Love and the strength of womanhood.  Let me say it again, love and the strength of womanhood. And, you could reverse it, the strength of womanhood and love.”

Five Points for Moving from Conflict to Resolution

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     I assume at some point all of us have struggled with inner conflicts that restrict us from moving to a positive resolution in our lives. Perhaps that is you right now? You may be struggling with fear, anxiety, difficulty in making decisions due to life situations, past experiences and hidden rationals.

      Most psychologist, medical professionals and life coaches would agree that the operative action word in resolving inner conflict is “Release.” Sounds simply, but inner conflicts are more complex because the forces that control the battles within are intricate.

     While advanced counseling is suggested for those who suffer from more complex cases of inner conflict, most people are able to conquer and resolve their fears with a willingness to navigate through the issues that allow conflicts to exist. This action would require a cleansing of the mind with an intense desire to lift heavy burdens and exchange them for lighter and healthier experiences. The following points of action may help you move to your desired outcome.

1. Our inner conflicts must be unlocked before we can resolve them.  First, you must recognize and identify there is a conflict.
2. Second, acknowledge you are the only one who can go within and unlock the door of resolution.
3. Identify those past issues that prevent you from moving forward. This requires complete honesty. Your focus must be on you and not the people or things you believe caused the problem.
4. You should be willing to align your life with what’s important today. Focus on the NOW!
5.  Establish what you want to accomplish? You have to be extremely clear about your WHY and disciplined to focus on those goals and objectives only.

      Once you are clear about where you want to go, what you want to do and your WHY, you are on your way to creating an environment that will allow you to release those inner fears if you remain focused. The willingness to change is an invitation to experience new and different avenues that allow us to move from fear to freedom.

Maya Angelou One of Those Women

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I admire successful women, not necessarily financial success, but women who have pulled themselves from nothing, meager beginnings or adverse situations, and emerged from those adversities to achieve what some only dream about. 

Maya Angelou was one of those women. Every time she spoke I listened with great anticipation of being inspired. Her words were so elegant and full of substance, provoking me to stand firm and stay on course with my goals.

Even though I was not honored to have personally met her, she was part of my path and growth through her writings, good deeds and actions. She proved that you don't always have to come from something to be something. Great people can come from unknown places. She was not without fault, but rather than hide the misfortunes of her youth, she wrote about it in the award winning autobiography, I Know Why Caged Birds Sing. Opposed to living her life as a victim, she rose to become a prolific writer, author, teacher and activist who educated and inspired millions.

Through her widely popular poem, Phenomenal Woman, Maya taught women that true beauty is not on the cover of magazines, but beauty eludes from your body language with attitude and confidence. She encouraged men to look beyond our external features and discover our inner mysteries.

I give honor to Maya Angelou. It's beautiful when you touch someone's life and your legacy is a gift to future generations. That gift should not be taken for granted. If Maya touched many, surely we can touch a few. It only takes one to touch another. Imagine the boundaries we could cross with an arm's reach. 

She died quietly in her sleep. Her voice is gone, but her light will shine forever.

Maya Angelou was one of those women.

If I Could Have, Would Have, Should Have

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There are many variations of this title. The late jazz and R&B singer Lou Rawls used lyrics in his popular song with the title, “If I Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda” The guest evangelist speaking at a church service titled her sermon, “When I Could, I Wouldn’t; now I Want to and I Can’t.” Anyway you say it; the intent is to suggest regrets.

If you are reading this article and have never spoken these words or something similar, you can stop reading now. You are perfect! For the rest of us, there have been times in life, perhaps even now, that you have considered, what if? What if I had continued in school, not had children, married the other person, stayed on my job, took the position in another town, did as the doctor told me………and the list goes on. You can place your own if(s) in the dots and if you are like me, could possible fill most of this page. We all have times when we reflect on the past and believe things would be different if we had taken another direction or made another choice whether personal, family, relationships, careers, or business.

You are absolutely correct; things would be different, but not necessarily for the better. We typically make decisions based on circumstances that dictate our choices. Sometimes we have full knowledge and other times we make decisions based on our emotions. Even decisions made with significant thought, research and educated calculations may not bring us the results we seek. Most significant is the experiences and lessons learned.  If we carefully review are past choices and move forward, we elevate our thought process to a “now focus.”

You may have regrets, but you do not have to remain in that cloud. I understand some choices have been extreme like drug and alcohol addictions, committing crimes, staying in abusive situations or being abusive. However, if you have humbled yourself and submitted to a better life, you have made an incredibly important choice. Regardless of your regret or situation, it is now time to take a living forward position and keep going in that direction no matter what. You Could, if only you Would!

For more on Sheila Agnew visit her on the web at http://www.sheilaagnew.com

The Shifting Seasons of Life

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This is the time of year that we see a shift in the weather. Depending on where you live, that could mean a cold, long and brutal winter with snow and ice, cooler with only an occasional dip in temperatures, or places many envy with warm climates and palm trees that appear mesmerizing as they flow in the wind.

Similar to the seasons of Mother Nature, we experience changes in our lives that collate with the drastic changes of the weather.  Some changes we welcome with open arms because they bring about joy and happiness. Other changes are difficult because they involve sadness, loss or unexpected shifts in our lives.

One can only imagine how joyful it would be if our seasons were always bountiful or we were always prepared for our life shifts.  The real truth is our lives never stay the same. Regardless of your age, financial position, occupation or social status, everything must change.

How do will deal with change? We prepare ourselves.  Like many cities and states who know they are about to experience a change in climates and conditions, they prepare for what is about to take place. There is a plan of action to deal with possibilities that may occur from adverse weather conditions.  Even with the best of disaster plans, people lose lives, homes, income and other meaningful possessions. Once the storm is over and the damage is assessed, cities, towns and communities began to pick up the pieces, rebuild and move on with their lives.

When we experience seasons of life, we can hold on to our faith and know that God does not change. Our faith is our security.  Even in our worst storms, God prevails over Mother Nature. When the winter storms become unbearable, know that the season will change, flowers will bloom and you will spring forward into your new season.