The Other Side of Valentine's Day

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I received a distress call the other evening from a dear friend. The gentlemen she had been dating for a couple of months and become quite fond of, text messaged her that he wanted to end the relationship. He said that she was ninety percent of what he was looking for, but the ten percent was a deal breaker, which was travel distance between their homes. His maximum allowance was twenty-five miles and their distance was thirty-six miles.

Honestly, I kept my comments short and brief, suggesting she should simply move on. I saw no point in wasting time and energy on someone who does not feel you worthy of ten extra miles past his cut-off distance and texting a breakup.  While I certainly understand her devastation in believing their relationship could be more long term, at some point, we have to move beyond drama, particularly when there is not a lot of time involved. I truly believed she did a lot of the right things to grow the relationship, just with the wrong person.

In actuality, while I was sorry about the situation, the point of this story is not my friend’s breakup. It was something she said during the course of the conversation that struck a chord with me. She expressed that she was now going to spend another Valentine’s Day alone. While I certainly understand her sentiments particularly in a situation where the break up is fresh, I encouraged her not to get hung up on one day. If you are not in a relationship, there is really no need to acknowledge or celebrate a day that has no benefit to your current situation. Also, recognizing more serious situations such as loss of a loved one, divorce and separations due to military service can cause intense feelings of depression, there are other ways that may be helpful to cope with the loneliness this day may bring about. Most important is to look for ways to spend the day that is not focused on what someone does for you, but what you do for yourself. Some suggestions include.

• Make someone else happy. Consider ways you can bring a smile to others including the elderly, children, domestic violence victims, sick and shut-in. Volunteering will also provide you with a sense of gratitude for what you do have in your life.
• Host a family and friends get together. You will be surprised at the people who would rather not go out to restaurants for dinner.  The theme does not have to be Valentine’s Day and ask everyone to bring a dish or beverage.
• Make plans to start or finish a project you have wanted to do for a long time.
• Do something you may not ordinarily do such as book a glamour photo session, get a complete make-over or take a fun art class to stimulate your creativity.
• Don’t look at old pictures, love movies and songs that bring memories to make you feel sad. Watch funny movies or read inspirational books.

It’s important to remember that you have to live beyond one day and should always focus on things and people that add value to your life. Above all, my most endearing suggestion is to spend time with God. With God’s presence we are never alone. Happy You Day!

If I Could Have, Would Have, Should Have

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There are many variations of this title. The late jazz and R&B singer Lou Rawls used lyrics in his popular song with the title, “If I Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda” The guest evangelist speaking at a church service titled her sermon, “When I Could, I Wouldn’t; now I Want to and I Can’t.” Anyway you say it; the intent is to suggest regrets.

If you are reading this article and have never spoken these words or something similar, you can stop reading now. You are perfect! For the rest of us, there have been times in life, perhaps even now, that you have considered, what if? What if I had continued in school, not had children, married the other person, stayed on my job, took the position in another town, did as the doctor told me………and the list goes on. You can place your own if(s) in the dots and if you are like me, could possible fill most of this page. We all have times when we reflect on the past and believe things would be different if we had taken another direction or made another choice whether personal, family, relationships, careers, or business.

You are absolutely correct; things would be different, but not necessarily for the better. We typically make decisions based on circumstances that dictate our choices. Sometimes we have full knowledge and other times we make decisions based on our emotions. Even decisions made with significant thought, research and educated calculations may not bring us the results we seek. Most significant is the experiences and lessons learned.  If we carefully review are past choices and move forward, we elevate our thought process to a “now focus.”

You may have regrets, but you do not have to remain in that cloud. I understand some choices have been extreme like drug and alcohol addictions, committing crimes, staying in abusive situations or being abusive. However, if you have humbled yourself and submitted to a better life, you have made an incredibly important choice. Regardless of your regret or situation, it is now time to take a living forward position and keep going in that direction no matter what. You Could, if only you Would!

For more on Sheila Agnew visit her on the web at http://www.sheilaagnew.com

Be A Blessing!

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A friend told me an inspiring story the other day. While driving through a heavy Atlanta rainfall, he noticed a couple standing at a bus stop with two small children. The woman was under an umbrella, the children were hovered closely to her on each side and the man was standing next to them without cover.  This picture touched him in a way that he detoured from his original destination, drove around the corner and returned to the bus stop. He did not want to frighten them, and he also wanted to exercise caution. He was prompted to ask if they had a car. The father responded “no.” My friend asked if he may have his phone number because there may be a possibility he could help them obtain a vehicle.

A few days later, he called the father and was moved by the family’s financial situation. They agreed to meet for lunch. During the lunch, he offered to give the man the car he had been driving the evening they met. He not only blessed them with a 2007 vehicle, the insurance was already prepaid for one year. He transferred the title and added the couple to the policy, which allowed them to have paid insurance for the first year. What a Blessing?

My friend was in a financial position to bless this family in a tremendous way, but being a blessing extends from the heart.  His heart was in the right place. There are many times we can be a blessing to others even in a very small way.  I received a blessing just a day ago in the amount of $5.35. I pulled up to the drive-thru window at a restaurant to pay for my order and the cashier informed me that a lady in the car ahead of me had paid my bill.  I had no idea who this lady was, but the gesture put a smile on my face and made my day.

During this season of giving, many stories of generosity will occur. As we go about these last few days of shopping, let’s remember the homeless, senior citizens, children and those around us who are lonely, ill or missing a loved one. Be a Blessing!

I'm So Excited!

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Spread the Love!

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I was pondering the emotion of love and wandered how love can be the most powerful force in the universe and yet, many have such a difficult time understanding, embracing and expressing the one emotion that is designed to hold us together.

The bible teaches us to abide by faith, hope and love, but the greatest of these is love.  We are further asked to pursue love and commanded that we love one another as God has loved us.  This is a testimony to the power of love.

Often when we think of love, particularly during the month of February for Valentine’s Day, we think of relationships between husband and wife or boyfriend and girlfriend.  Our feelings seem to intensify with the very thought that we are loved by that special person.  Some people spend days, weeks and months trying to create a clever way to show and tell their sweethearts how they are loved.  That expression is typically done through a nice dinner, flowers, candy or cards.  These are all beautiful gestures that I appreciate giving and receiving, but I cannot help but consider if we spread the intensity of that love beyond our mates, how powerful our relationships would be within our families, friends and communities.

Do you know someone that has lost a mate or loved one recently? What about an elderly parent, relative or even a total stranger in a nursing home? Do you know a homeless family or even a youth in your neighborhood that would benefit from just a little dose of a love expression?  Imagine if we reached beyond our personal desires to receive and consider giving more love on Valentine’s Day.  That’s the power of real love, loving one another.

The power of love lies within each and every one of us. On Valentine's Day, strength your arms beyond your sweetheart and show a gesture of love to others.  We all like to hear those three words, I Love You.

The Power of Love

     I was pondering the emotion of love and wondered how love can be the most powerful force in the universe and yet, many have such a difficult time understanding and expressing the one power that is designed to hold us together. 

     The bible teaches us to abide by faith, hope and love, but the greatest of these is love.  We are further instructed to pursue love and commanded that we love one another as God has loved us.  This is a testimony to the power of love.

 Often when we think of love, particularly during the month of February for Valentine's Day, we think of relationships between husband and wife or boyfriend and girlfriend.  Our feelings seem to intensify with the very thought that we are loved by that special person.  Some people spend days, weeks and months trying to create a clever way to show their sweethearts they are loved.  That expression is typically done through a nice dinner, flowers, candy or cards.  These are all beautiful gestures that I appreciate giving and receiving, but I cannot help but consider if we spread the intensity of that love beyond our mates, how powerful our relationships would be within our families and communities.

    The power of love helps us to overcome and endure through bad relationships, loss and dysfunctional situations.  That bond created by love most certainly has the power to hold families together.  Love provides the equipment to help us go the distance.  Love covers our mistakes.  Love allows us to hold on to each other in spite of our differences.  Love empowers us to reach our arms across a wider range of people and situations to lift others up. 

     The power of love lies within each and every one of us.  On this Valentine's Day, stretch your arms beyond your sweetheart and show a gesture of love to others. We all enjoy hearing those three words, I Love You.