How Losing Her Job Made Her Laugh?

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SPOTLIGHT 50! Instead of crying about company downgrades in her industry, Tu Kute decided to make people laugh and started a new career in her 50's.

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I will be a guest on The Empowering Women Series for Changing Lives Online this Thursday, October 1, 2015, 9:00 pm EST (8:00 pm CST). The subject is  "What to Do When We Need a Confidence Booster?" Tune in or call  (949)203-4763
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/changingmindsonline/2015/10/02/empowering-women-series--what-to-do-when-we-need-a-confidence-booster

Five Points for Moving from Conflict to Resolution

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     I assume at some point all of us have struggled with inner conflicts that restrict us from moving to a positive resolution in our lives. Perhaps that is you right now? You may be struggling with fear, anxiety, difficulty in making decisions due to life situations, past experiences and hidden rationals.

      Most psychologist, medical professionals and life coaches would agree that the operative action word in resolving inner conflict is “Release.” Sounds simply, but inner conflicts are more complex because the forces that control the battles within are intricate.

     While advanced counseling is suggested for those who suffer from more complex cases of inner conflict, most people are able to conquer and resolve their fears with a willingness to navigate through the issues that allow conflicts to exist. This action would require a cleansing of the mind with an intense desire to lift heavy burdens and exchange them for lighter and healthier experiences. The following points of action may help you move to your desired outcome.

1. Our inner conflicts must be unlocked before we can resolve them.  First, you must recognize and identify there is a conflict.
2. Second, acknowledge you are the only one who can go within and unlock the door of resolution.
3. Identify those past issues that prevent you from moving forward. This requires complete honesty. Your focus must be on you and not the people or things you believe caused the problem.
4. You should be willing to align your life with what’s important today. Focus on the NOW!
5.  Establish what you want to accomplish? You have to be extremely clear about your WHY and disciplined to focus on those goals and objectives only.

      Once you are clear about where you want to go, what you want to do and your WHY, you are on your way to creating an environment that will allow you to release those inner fears if you remain focused. The willingness to change is an invitation to experience new and different avenues that allow us to move from fear to freedom.

Mirror, Mirror Please Tell Me The Truth!

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While walking down the street a few years ago in my hometown of Chicago, I noticed a man coming towards me with a decorative wall mirror in his hands. As we approached each other, he stopped and asked, “Do you want to buy a mirror?” I replied “no” as I continued to walk past the man. To my surprise he shouted to me, “You are vain.” I chuckled to myself and without any preconceived thought, slightly turned my head (while continuing to walk) and spoke back, “You need to take a look into that mirror.” Thankfully, he did not reply and I kept walking until I was a block away realizing I had stepped out of my comfort zone and made a comment to a strange man who had the appearance of being addicted to something, quite possibly drugs.

     I was slightly agitated that a complete stranger had the nerve to call me vain, but more hopeful that he took my advice and looked in the mirror. Mirrors come in all sizes, shapes and forms. Some are plain with no distinct features and others are quite elaborate with decorative finishes. Regardless of the outward garnishes, mirrors have one thing in common. They tell a story. Some stories are youthful where others show signs of aging. A mirror will show a transformation of our bodies over the years and when we decide to make significant changes, the same mirror will reverse the transformation. We can depend on mirrors to cut, style and curl our hair, put on make-up or sashay in front of with a fancy new outfit.  Businesses rely on mirrors to help us make decisions about making purchases and mirrors are installed in cars with front, sides and back views to guide us while driving, which helps to save our lives. Yes, mirrors tell lots of stories, but most of all mirrors tell the Truth.

     The truth is we all need to look in the mirror of our lives at some point on the journey. We can learn a lot by studying and examining our life experiences. Each day we look into the mirror of life, we may discover something new. Imagine when looking in the mirror if a line reveals you are on a journey. A bump says you have overcome the blocks on the road. Grey hair is an indication of wisdom and loss of hair means you have shredded those heavy loads.  Mirrors can be encouraging and at times discouraging. You can make the mirror your friend or your enemy. My point in the analogies is some things we see in the mirror we cannot change and others we can by making a commitment to transformation.

     Now days when I think about the man walking down the street selling a mirror, I consider if he looked in the mirror and made a life change, but I also take my own advice. Each day I look in the mirror of life and encourage myself with the thought, “You can do better.” As a life coach, I encourage you to look in your mirror of truth and move past the things that time won’t change to focus on the things that really matter, the things you can change.

If I Could Have, Would Have, Should Have

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There are many variations of this title. The late jazz and R&B singer Lou Rawls used lyrics in his popular song with the title, “If I Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda” The guest evangelist speaking at a church service titled her sermon, “When I Could, I Wouldn’t; now I Want to and I Can’t.” Anyway you say it; the intent is to suggest regrets.

If you are reading this article and have never spoken these words or something similar, you can stop reading now. You are perfect! For the rest of us, there have been times in life, perhaps even now, that you have considered, what if? What if I had continued in school, not had children, married the other person, stayed on my job, took the position in another town, did as the doctor told me………and the list goes on. You can place your own if(s) in the dots and if you are like me, could possible fill most of this page. We all have times when we reflect on the past and believe things would be different if we had taken another direction or made another choice whether personal, family, relationships, careers, or business.

You are absolutely correct; things would be different, but not necessarily for the better. We typically make decisions based on circumstances that dictate our choices. Sometimes we have full knowledge and other times we make decisions based on our emotions. Even decisions made with significant thought, research and educated calculations may not bring us the results we seek. Most significant is the experiences and lessons learned.  If we carefully review are past choices and move forward, we elevate our thought process to a “now focus.”

You may have regrets, but you do not have to remain in that cloud. I understand some choices have been extreme like drug and alcohol addictions, committing crimes, staying in abusive situations or being abusive. However, if you have humbled yourself and submitted to a better life, you have made an incredibly important choice. Regardless of your regret or situation, it is now time to take a living forward position and keep going in that direction no matter what. You Could, if only you Would!

For more on Sheila Agnew visit her on the web at http://www.sheilaagnew.com

I'm So Excited!

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Coming Out the Closet!

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I was inspired listening to Judy Goss, founder and CEO of Over 40 Females on a recent TeleSeminar where she chronicled her journey of going from "Foreclosure to Finding Success." Judy literally went from having a budding career as an editor and national TV correspondent for a major magazine to the brink of losing her home after she was laid off and her husband's business went bankrupt.  

Judy referred to this discussion as "Coming out of the Closet." Giving thought to her conversation, I considered how many of us (okay, most) need to come out the closet on things we have been holding onto for days, months and even years. These situations, whether big or small are blocking us from moving forward and elevating our positions. Often our closet situations can be painful and we believe we can cover the pain with a bandage. This is only a temporary relief. When you remove the bandage, the scar remains. In Judy's case, she had one short-term disaster public relations job and a unfulfilling part-time position before she pulled the bandages off and founded Over 40 Females (over40females.com).

We have all gone through painful situations whether financial, loss of a loved one, relationships, careers, business or health. I remember a few years ago walking in downtown Chicago with my cell phone glued to my ear, trying unsuccessfully to get the cell phone provider to restore service when I could not pay the bill on time. The tears that had rolled down my cheeks froze and I felt as if I was the only person walking down the street. I had lost a two-year contract that was my bread and butter after the new president of the organization became increasingly insecure with my presence. With no significant clients to replace the income loss, I had to humble myself (or get over myself)and take a few temporary jobs. One day while on an assignment, a co-worker questioned why I was there. She said, "You remind me of someone that should own the company." Honestly, that was the last day I took an assignment. Someone else saw more in me than I was seeing in myself.

Through faith and prayers, I was able to get over the pain of losing this important contract. I returned to school and obtained my MBA degree, received a more fruitful and rewarding contract, got married to a really great man, and recently released my second book, Dear_____Are You Missing Your Calling?

From this experience, I learned in spite of popular belief, you can go without your cell phone for two weeks, removing the bandages helps the scar to heal faster and we should celebrate our "Coming out of the Closet" experiences. 

Freedom is Good!

Sheila is Chapter Director for Over 40 Females Atlanta, Author, Peer Coach and Entrepreneur http://www.sheilaagnew.com
 

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On Purpose

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On a Southwest airline flight from San Diego last weekend, my husband and I missed the call for the group A seating, which I admit was my fault. He was a bit upset because in order to sit together for this four hour flight, we had seats in the rear of the plane as opposed to our exit row preference for leg comfort.

Before we could settle in our seats comfortably, the man in the window seat immediately started talking to my husband. They had a general conversation as I sat between them.  At first I was annoyed because I had bought a cheap gossip magazine to read, something I have not done in a years.  I did not want to be rude and pop it out while they were conversing. Possibly sensing my feelings, the man started including me in the conversation, asking my thoughts and opinions on their life topics which ranged from our trips out west to work, family and children. When the topic turned to his children, the man suddenly announced with conviction, “You can’t do it without Christ.” His entire facial expression and vocal tone changed. Sensing he was dealing with something very heavy, my husband began to minister to him.

The man kept repeating he could not say what his pain was, but he was experiencing something quite embarrassing. I took my focus off the magazine and candy bar I had in a bag on my lap (I also had not eaten a candy bar in months) as this conversation turned from general to very intense. Both my husband and I have a spirit of discernment and knew we needed to keep talking to the man because his heart was heavy. He began speaking of his divorce and how he felt he was a failure to his family and children even though he had a successful career as an engineer with a major corporation. As my husband continued to engage him in conversation, the flight attendant took our drink orders and his was a beer. Nothing usual about that, many people order alcohol beverages on flights, but this man would not let us go. He needed us on this flight. God needed us to sit next to him.

The man eventually revealed he had been an alcoholic for twenty-five years and decided to make a change in his life. He had researched and enrolled in a rehabilitation program and was going to tell his employer Monday morning that he was taking a month off work and why. He kept repeating he was scared, embarrassed and fearful and we continued to speak words of faith to him. Even more shocking, he disclosed while in San Diego, he had decided to commit suicide and even devised a plan how he was going to go atop one of the tall ships on the harbor, tie his legs at the ankle and jump off, hoping no one would ever find him. Fortunately, he thought about what that would do to his family and abandoned that plan. This man was crying for help!

My husband responded to his cry, as the spirit led him to pull the bible from his briefcase and turn to John chapter 5, also known as The Healing at the Pool.  He read the chapter out loud as the man listened intently. My husband focused on two points, Jesus asked the man who had an infirmity for thirty-eight years, “Do You Want to be Whole (Well)?” and the man at the pool made excuses why he sat by the healing water for years and never got in.

This total stranger, a man we did not know and may never see again became a believer. He thanked us over and over and said it was purposed that we sat next to him. We talked the entire four-hour flight and he and my husband talked an additional twenty minutes in the airport. We pray like the man with the infirmity in the Bible parable that he “picks up his bed and walk.” Indeed, it was “On Purpose” we missed the A group seating. Although I ate the candy bar, I never read the gossip magazine. God had another plan.